Strong Challenge: Train

I found this week very difficult.  These challenges force you to break apart your day and examine what you really spend your time on.  My days are so busy, so full of activity and noise that I had a lot of trouble disconnecting or finding quiet.  I learned just how important to me my routine really is--I have things that I believe I need to do, and deciding not to do them because I need to slow down and remember my Lord was a lot of effort.
The challenges taught me that I am a very negative person.  I'm sarcastic and judgmental, which I already knew, but I also have trouble "turning that off" and being loving.


Through this, however, I have learned that changing my routine and making time for disciplines causes me to think about my faith in a more intentional way.  Above all, God demands wholehearted followers--going halfway just hurts me.  If God is my all then why should I spend my time on anything less important?


Disconnecting with life allows me to remember who I am.  I am a creature being made perfect in Christ.  I'm imperfect but I strive for perfection following the only model available.  Jesus did many things that the people at the time thought were ridiculous, but everything he did was intentional.  In everything he was connected with his father.


That's what this is all about, after all.  I am called into relationship with my heavenly father.  There's nothing else for me.  I have no fight of my own--it was won on the cross.  I don't need to change who I am to draw near to God, He will do that for me as I grow closer to Him.


It's the gospel in a nutshell...

((this post took a long time to write, evidently))

Strong Challenge: Study

One thing I noticed about myself while completing this challenge is that, while I have a pretty good knowledge of what is in the Bible, I'm lacking a lot of the concepts from the old testament.  For most of my life I've read the same few books; mostly the gospels, 1 John and Genesis.


I was challenged to study more than that.  In the past I've attempted to read through Proverbs and Job, which are both quite long and dry, but they're there for a reason.  Proverbs is called the book of wisdom--it teaches young men how to live healthy lives, while Job chronicles the hardships that a faithful servant of God goes through.  Both of these books have a great deal of significance, but the discipline necessary to read through them was lacking.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be fully equipped for every good work."  Everything in this book is important.  Even if it has little significance to me now, understanding God's word is crucial for sharing it.  How better can I convince someone of my passion for the Gospel except through knowing and living it?  How better can I come to know God, and have communion with him except through spending time in his word and letting his love envelop me?

Strong Challenge: Pray

This past week I was challenged to pray in new and creative ways.  Prayer is something that I've been exposed to a lot over the years, and I've learned a great deal about what it means to pray and how God works through prayer.  This past week, however, I realized that there were some fundamentals of prayer that I had been lacking.


I've had difficulty praying for others, and often I have little faith that God will actually provide.  What I'm realizing is that God strongly desires to bless us--he hates to see how his beloved creatures are struggling and dying because of the world they live in, but often God doesn't act because his actions would go unnoticed or taken for granted.  That's where prayer comes in.  When we pray we're not so much telling God where the problems are--he already knows that stuff--we're telling ourselves where the problems are and admitting that it's out of our control.  Once we are aware of this and begin to have faith that God can help, he does.


In the story of Lazarus, Jesus is told about one of his friends who is very sick and dying.  He has the power to heal him at any time, but he waits:  "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days," (John 11:5-6).


One of the challenges I had was to "Pray for three friends."  I had been talking to one of the three just before, and felt God calling me to pray for him.  As I was doing so, I heard God telling me that he was going to do crazy things with his life.  This kid's life isn't easy, but he has enormous potential if he relies on God.  I truly believe that he will make a big impact on his school or family or something, and God's just been waiting for a group of people backing him who will be blessed to see the power God has and the strength he is going to give my friend.  Same goes for Lazarus.  Jesus could have healed him immediately, he could have prevented Lazarus from becoming sick in the first place, but he let him die because he wanted to show the disciples the power that he possessed, so that they would believe.


"After he said this, he went on to tell them, 'Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.'
His disciples replied, 'Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.'  Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
So then he told them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe.  But let us go to him.'"


God has big plans that transcend our perceptions of the world and our understanding of what's best.  He knows where the need is, even when we don't, and often the need is in us even when we think that others are hurting more.  Prayer is one of the great ways that God blesses his followers be affirming their belief and demonstrating his love and power.

Strong Challenge: Play

It's crazy to think that God's design for us was not to be productive.  Completely contrary to what the world values, but God created man to enjoy what he's put before us. "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it..." (Gen. 1:29)  But I suppose this makes sense.  I can't believe that I would be created with the ability to take such enjoyment in the world without a reason.  On the contrary, God gave us the ability to feel pleasure in these because that's how he wanted to be able to bless us.  God created me to be in community with him--to seek him so that he can give me everything that's good.  This is the avenue through which God has chosen to bless me for seeking him.  Working for God, or working in  general has a promise of future relaxation and blessing.


Consequentially, what if it's through play that we're blessed and restored?  I love working for my Lord, and I definitely feel God's blessings through it, but as it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

Even Jesus, who was always talking about the work of the father took time to rest.  God's plan isn't for us to be constantly productive, he doesn't even need us for his work.  Our heavenly father allows us to work for him in order to bless us.  But if we get too caught up in the work, we miss the point:  full life comes from closeness with the God of goodness.  God is relational, he wants to work through us and with us, but he also wants us to rest with him.

The Paths I've Taken

Here is my story.  Chances are you can relate to some parts of it, but probably not all of it--that would be crazy.  I have found that people are not as different from each other as they tend to think that they are.  For instance, I have always had a strong need for relationships.  For the majority of my childhood I had a lot of friendly relationships with my peers; I knew a lot of people and generally had people I could be around, but of course that did not suffice for me.  I was angry, constantly frustrated with myself for not "being good enough," and had trouble with people.  I was jealous of their happiness, their strengths and how they seemed to be "perfect" where I saw myself as a failure.


Eventually I was taken out of that situation--my family moved a few states away and I got to start over.  Quickly I discovered that I had no understanding of how to find common ground with my peers.  It was impossible to befriend others when I was too busy judging them.  The few good friends that I had I burdened with my insecurities.  I had relationships but I still was not fulfilled.  The harder I clung, the more I discovered how weak that foundation was.  My friendships weren't based on common ground, and truthfully nothing really mattered much.


Once again my family moved.  We returned to our previous town, the same school but a different house.  All of the insecurity I'd been feeling over the past couple of years came out strong.  For a full two years I had no friends--nobody I spent any time with in or out of school.


Entering High School I knew very few people.  All of my friends from my earlier years had moved on and I had little hope of meeting anyone.  I was encouraged to go to YoungLife, so I did and found it fun, but I was just there to watch life happen, not participate.  However, I continued going, and slowly met people that I became close to.  We began spending a lot of time together, and I began leaning more and more on them for my needs.


As the years progressed my friends began going their separate ways.  Conflicts would arise pushing us apart, and new interests further broke up the group.  Again I was left wondering, "What about me?"  I had developed a couple deep relationships, and with those people I began thinking, discussing and learning what it truly meant to live.  I discovered what should have been obvious to me long before:  the desires that I had been pouring into are not fulfilling.  I began understanding what faith meant.  Not a faith that there is a God--I already believed that--but faith that the God who created everything we can and cannot comprehend deeply cares for me.


Starting again with this foundation I came to another realization.  It hit me one night that God, who knows everything that will ever happen to me and everything I will ever choose, cannot be disappointed.  He may be saddened by my choices, but never disgusted, never let down.  I did not have to be good enough, nor could I.  I no longer had to compare myself to others, because the one whose love actually meant something just wants me to serve him with everything he has given and will continue to give me.

Knowing this has given me the desire to continue experiencing God's love.  Every time I make the decision to turn from God to pursue something in the world I am disappointed.  At the same time, when I remain in Him, defining myself based on my relationship with God, nothing can phase me.  The world could be falling apart, but I would not have to suffer because God would still be with me, keeping me safe and drawing me closer to him.  This is truth, the story of my life up to now.  I am continuing to grow--there is never an end to what you can learn about an infinite God.  The goal now is to continue to  hunger for truth, remembering where I have been, but most importantly where God is taking me.